Book Review: Living And Loving In The Age Of AIDS by Derek Frost

Living and Loving in the Age of AIDS is Frost’s memoir of his life before, during and after the AIDS epidemic. It is a beautiful, powerful, tragic, and yet ultimately hopeful love story. It is a personal history of the epidemic that affected so many queer people, about love at a time when the popular opinion was that queer love was nothing more than lust.

Frost describes an almost idyllic sounding life prior to crisis. Both he and his husband have privileges that many other people don’t, like the ability to travel, interesting careers, and financial security most of the time. I’ve noticed some reviews saying that readers gave up in this part, but really it’s worth pushing through, because the comparison between the first part where they have everything, and the onset of the AIDS crisis that takes so much from them, is really powerful. Before AIDS, queer people, or at least certain demographics of them, were feeling more freedom, like the world was progressing, life was getting better, and then AIDS set everything back. This book masterfully expresses the pain and shock of going from liberation, love and freedom, to AIDS, death, stigma and judgement. There are so many names and personal stories that really bring home the horror of the crisis and emphasise how we geniunely lost almost an entire generation of queer men. There is a lot of anger and sadness in this book, but also a lot of love between Frost and his husband, between them and their friends and family. There Frost’s own spiritual journey, J’s medical journey, and the hope they both held on to.

Learning about the founding of AidsArk, the charity the two of them set up, is interesting. I remember in early noughties as a child learning about AIDS charities in Africa through my church but didn’t have much of an understanding of it then. I feel like this book really deepened my understanding of exactly why, even after the development of life saving drugs, the crisis continued in many countries.

Ultimately, this book is a story about love, hope, and survival. It is an important telling of queer history that the next generation of queer people needs to learn about.

I received this book from Netgalley for free in return for an honest review.

Book Review: Once Upon A Time I Lived On Mars by Kate Greene

This book is a memoir by Kate Greene, about the simulated Mars mission that she took part in during 2013. She lived in a geodesic dome for four months, living as if she was on Mars, with a crew of scientists. The book is not chronological. Instead, it is a series of essays about her experience, each chapter focusing on a different topic or theme. Greene has a friendly tone that is very readable. The science isn’t too complicated and the focus is on the more human side of things.

Reading the introduction, where Greene talks about seeing the same people, eating the same food, seeing the same view, every day, made me think about quarantine. It was interesting to be reading this book at this time, while so many of us are experiencing a similar thing of being locked in with the same people.

I found the background facts interesting, although I already knew a lot of them as I read a lot about space exploration. I found the psychology angle most interesting. I took less from the more philosophical musings, but that’s because I don’t find that kind of thing particularly interesting. If that is your thing then this book would be a great read. I did find a few parts of the book a little disjointed and hard to follow, but overall I enjoyed reading it.

Greene talks about what the experiment means for potential future Mars missions, but she also talks about what she took from the experience personally, and how it relates to her own life. I found the discussion of the potential for disabled people as astronauts particularly interesting, as someone with disabilities. The idea that some disabilities could actually be beneficial for space flight was not something I had considered, but perhaps in the future disabled people will be a vital part of the conversation around space exploration. Greene also highlights how even completely able and typical bodies need adaptations for space, showing that context for disability is everything. It made me think about how astronauts returning to earth often experience symptoms of orthostatic intolerance, something I experience on a daily basis as someone with PoTS. What could we learn about bodies in space from looking at disabled people on earth, and what could we learn about treating certain illnesses from looking at astronauts in space? The possibilities are endless, and fascinating.

On a final note, just as a heads up, there is a chapter which briefly discusses the use of guinea pigs in scientific research which, as a rodent lover, I did find difficult to read, although it was interesting.

Overall this book is an interesting read with some unique points of view, well worth reading for anyone interested in space exploration.

I received this book from Netgalley for free in return for an honest review.

XOXY, A Memoir: Intersex Woman, Mother, Activist by Kimberly Zieselman

XOXY is a memoir about being an intersex woman. Memoirs are always personal, but this one feels extremely so. Kimberly Zieselman speaks candidly about her life as an intersex woman, her experiences with doctors, her family, and her work as an intersex activist. The book is well written and engaging, and the story it tells is heartbreaking and moving.

Intersex is something I was aware of, having been involved in LGBTQ+ activism in the past, but being aware of something and truly understanding it are two very different things. Intersex is often ignored, both by the general public and the LGBTQ+ community, and when it isn’t ignored it is often just paid lip service, ostensibly included but without any actual help or support. I didn’t know as much about intersex before I read this book as I would have liked to, or as much as I should have known. Luckily, this book is very comprehensive in the information it provides, and is a great starting point for people who want to learn more.

The book is non linear, switching between childhood and adulthood, before Zieselman’s diagnosis and afterwards. I found that this kept the story engaging, and helped to bring context to some of the earlier events in her life as she tries to make sense of her childhood with hindsight. This book does go into detail about medical trauma, and doctors dehumanising her and treating her like a specimen, not a person. As someone who is chronically ill and has had my own bad experiences with doctors, I did find these parts of the book hard to read, but also important, because intersex people are treated in a uniquely terrible way by the medical community. Whilst Zieselman’s story is just one intersex narrative, the medical trauma she suffered and the PTSD she then developed are not uncommon within the intersex community.

Zieselman talks a lot about coming to terms with being intersex, and with her identity as a woman. Identity is complex for everyone, but for intersex people there are unique complexities involved in both a person’s internal identity, and how they are seen by society. I believe that this book has the potential to help other people, especially other intersex people, to feel less alone, less different. Zieselman talks in depth about the benefits of having a community of people just like you, who have been through similar experiences, and how finding her own community was the first step in understanding herself.

The second half of the book is all about Zieselman’s journey to becoming an intersex activist. There is a pretty comprehensive history of intersex activism and the progress the community has made, woven into the story so it still reads easily, and doesn’t feel like suddenly reading a text book. If you’ve ever wondered why the I should be included in the LGBTQ+ movement, then you need to read this book, as Zieselman really shows why, despite the differences between the two communities, we need to work together.

This is not just a story about being intersex. This memoir discusses trauma, mental health, identity, family, adoption, SEN parenting, advocacy and activism, and the importance of accepting yourself and loving yourself for who you are. It has a hopeful message of hope for the future for intersex kids, and a life without shame, stigma and medical trauma. There is still a long way to go but thanks to activists like Kimberly Zieselman, progress will be made. Please, read this book.

I received this book from Netgalley for free in return for an honest review.